Because There Isn’t a Better or Funnier Headline Than That.



Yes, that Velveeta, the nearly-liquid cheese of unknown composition. The stuff that goes on to those 1am nachos and never spoils. At least not within the average lifetime.

It has occurred to the Kraft Heinz Company, the owners of Velveeta, that something essential was missing from the world of liquid cheese. But what could be missing from such a beloved and perfect product?

Why, Velveeta scented nail polish, of course!

Yes, wait no longer, ladies, your wishes have come true! By partnering up with Nails, INC. of London, Kraft Heinz has created Velveeta Pinkies Out Polish, a cheese scented nail polish that was created to encourage its wearers to live “La Dolce Velveeta”.

I’m not kidding. Please, stop laughing.

Now look, you should only wear this limited-edition nail polish if you are someone that lives life to the fullest and marches to the sound of your own drum. THAT is La Dolce Velveeta!

“Oh, where do you get your nails done?”

Only on Amazon and will you be able to purchase this strangely creative product. It comes in two shades, Finger Food Red and La Dolce Velveeta Yellow, sold as a two-pack, and, according to Kraft Heinz, should only run you about $15. But my search on Amazon produced only one result and BuyZilla was selling it for $39 and there were only two left. As they said, limited release.

All kidding aside, I have a feeling that this will be a fairly popular product. I’m already incredibly intrigued and have so many questions. What does it smell like? Who is the employee that thought of this and how shocked were they when R&D told them to take it further than an idea? How many drunks will try to eat it? How many women are going to have their fingers bitten off?

Please, if anyone reading this has bought this product, let me know. Tell me why you bought it and how you like it. I must know!